It’s complicated

Run away with me to the pink kisses and orange embraces, where the land ends to where the Pacific curves and bends endlessly. As Sun’s long arms cloaks me, wraps me, swaddles me into a lazy slumber, and my eyes droop in the shadows of palm trees. An easy sigh escapes my lips as I float away into you.

Oh LA! How can one resist you? Your beautiful bronze skin in constant glow, your spine like the horizon beckons me to you. And I follow your soft fingers along the sweet zephyr with eyes closed and quickened heart. I was young. I was dumb. And I fell so quick and deeply into you, where time stopped. And so did logic.

It takes me years before I break away from your charm. Your spell. Holy hell, I’ve only just woken up into obscurity. Curiously, seriously, I am lost.

You’re big, you’re cold. You’re a sprawling city, gross and gritty. You held me tight only to throw me far across the 405. And I believed your lies. You chewed me up and spat me out, pressing me down against your Skid Row pissed on pavements. So scarred. So scared. So acutely aware.

The shroud’s become transparent and the smog is finally lifted. Let’s be realistic, I’m just another statistic, to your sadistic collection. I opened myself to your constant rejection, when all I ever gave you was my devoted adoration. Like the waves tumbling over and over, pummeling rocks into sand, I suffer and subject myself to you, crumbling, breaking, broken.

Oh what a masochist I am! LA what have you done to me? I’ve lost all autonomy, I’ve succumb to your mindless insanity. Like the heavily sedated, obnoxious boobs and mutilated faces, I’ve carved, chopped and severed sensibility for a farce, slight possibility of an LA legacy. I don’t recognize myself anymore.

I’m NOT myself anymore. And THAT is what pulls me back into your good graces. Your consuming embraces. Your many faces. I’ve reinvented myself, keeping afloat, keeping relevant in your eyes, so that I don’t bore you. So that I won’t be forgotten by you. So that I may be special to you?

And then I step over the edge and see myself in your vast vastness. Your blank eyes and empty contemplation. Sun shines too bright above me, as I see my harsh reflection in the sea. And I finally see, that you cannot see. Pity. You and I, LA, we’re one and the same. We’re both desperate souls in an endless ocean of soulless, mindless, pointless atoms desperately clinging to an impossibility.