thursday, april 2nd, my half birthday.
many people don’t really celebrate half birthdays. many people don’t even know what it is. to be honest, i’m not much for birthdays, especially my own, so celebrating my half birthday was done for irony sake (the extent of celebration was really just a facebook status for the day, “today is my half birthday betches! wish me a f*cking happy half bday right now! rawr!”). it was also to offset my friend’s actual 30th birthday. because i’m a jerk and it cracked me up.
but when i woke up that day and checked my email, i knew it wasn’t going to be a good day. 😦
my manager wrote me an email saying he and my theatrical agent were releasing me from my contract. the email was sent around midnight, april 2nd. for the same reasons my commercial agent let me go, i wasn’t surprised. and this blow didn’t hit as hard, because it wasn’t the first time. i get it. i totally get it. they weren’t getting me auditions, i wasn’t booking any of the auditions they did get me, no one was making any money, no one was winning.
but it stung. i couldn’t help but feel so helpless, so unwanted, so irrelevant. the thought of packing it all up and going back home to my parents became such a viable option all of a sudden at 9:30am.
but i had an audition that very day. an audition i got on my own. thoughts of giving up mingled with cheering up thoughts — you don’t need them, you got this audition yourself! you’ve BEEN getting auditions yourself, you can still do it, thi. come on!
but my blueness affected my audition. i chose a dramatic monologue and in the middle of it, the casting director rubbed his eyes and yawned. as soon as i finished, he said, thanks, and i quickly got out of there. 2:30pm.
thank god for my friends. my friend krista was with me the entire day. and after that email, i wanted to do something for myself, to cheer myself up from such a rotten morning. i was looking at twitter and there was an article about the museum of jurassic technology and how it was mysterious. the article featured a photo of plants that might’ve looked like it could’ve come from the jurassic period. my mind was distracted so i took the museum as a museum for dinosaurs during the jurassic period, or at the very least, have plants from that era. in any case, i thought it was the best occasion to wear my dinosaur shirt.
so there’s that saying , when it rains, it pours. the museum really had nothing to do with dinosaurs. it was more about archaic technology that was done in the early 1900s, before anyone really had any clue on what they were doing. weird remedies to cure bad breath and stammering, different formations of cats cradles, a horn that grew from a woman’s neck. it was an eclectic mix of some of the first exhibitions. it was weird and so unexpected.
so here i am, fronting my cool t-shirt and krista and i are walking around in rooms that are reminiscent of the twilight zone. while krista was legitimately freaking out, i was cracking up. seriously. i was in the middle of the room, stopped in my tracks, looking from my shirt to these weird portraits of people’s dogs, i realize how silly the whole thing was. this museum really had nothing to do with dinosaurs, my dinosaur shirt was so irrelevant, even out of placed and yet it was the one thing that really made the clouds part and the birds sing. i was getting out of my funk. 5pm.
after that, i hung out with some of my closest friends in LA. it was a simple night, we drank, we ate, we talked and we laughed. i told them what happened and there wasn’t any comforting. i didn’t really need it i guess. there wasn’t a celebration of my half birthday either, barely an acknowledgment really (because it’s so silly! i’m not about self-aggrandizing!). it was just another day and i was going to be fine.