Sometimes you just gotta vent

I don’t know what I’m doing. alright??? I’ve admitted it. Sometimes I think about worst-case scenarios. Why? Because I’m neurotic. Because there are things that are so out of my control.  Because there are things that I fear. And I fear what I don’t know. But seriously, who really knows what they’re doing? Who really knows what is going to happen to them. No one. Yet I can’t stop feeling I’m not doing enough. Or that I’m not enough. How the fuck do you stay motivated when you can’t see the end of the tunnel? All you see is darkness! No progression, not even a hint that you’re heading in the right direction. I’m neurotic. Maybe it’s human nature to be neurotic. Who fucking knows? I’ll give you an example of my neurosis.  I auditioned for a movie a month ago. A month ago. I knew after a week that I didn’t get the role. It happens, it’s the business, it’s normal. But like a crazy person who stalks her ex on Facebook to see his new girlfriend, I had to check IMDB to see who they casted instead of me.  You know they didn’t want you, you know they found someone else, you know it’s going to hurt, but you just have to see who this beezy is! RIght??? Can I get an amen??? hello? anyone out there? or I’m just crazy all by myself …

This was a vent. Don’t try to solve my problem. I have a good head on my shoulders. I’ll get out of it this black hole. No worries. I’m fiiiiiine. Hahahahha!


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