So today in acting class, my teacher went over the basics of her method (it’s a good reminder).  She teaches intentional acting where you analyze the scene and the characters through a series of a questions.  (Btw I adore her, she’s Loren Chadima, if you’re ever interested).  There are 9 questions, but I’m only going over the first part of the first question: what is the relationship?  This question deals with the relationship between the two characters of the scene.

What I love about my teacher’s method is that it allows me to take the attention away from myself and onto my partner, whether it’s my scene partner or even the reader in the audition room, it allows me to ultimately make a connection.  And that’s what it’s all about.

Making a connection.  Having that chemistry.  When we watch a movie, when a scene works, often people will say, ‘wow they had great chemistry’.  You can’t fake chemistry, so to make a connection is something very special.

I guess that is why I strive to nurture and make full the connections I already have.  I rather spend time and energy with my friends and family than network and shake hands (which could be my demise in this business – another ironic thing at that).  But at the same time, I love acting because if I’m able to make a connection with a reader I just met a few seconds ago, then we had that something special.  Not only that, but acting allows me to understand a connection between two characters of a story and perhaps feel that connection and even be a part of it.

How powerful is that?  Connection is a beautiful thing.  In the book, “into the wild” by Jon Krakauer, there’s a lovely quote that says, “happiness [is] only real when shared.” although happiness is a personal state of elation, an object of subjectivity, for me personally, I am most happy when I’m having a moment with someone.  When we see that chemistry on screen, something so intangible surpass something so literal as a movie or TV screen, does it not glow or resonate?  Is it not felt and shared by everyone who sees it? Hmmm?


I Live In Irony

I listen to Empire of the Sun when it’s overcast and Mike Snow when it’s sunny.  I crave intimate relationships with guys that won’t commit.  I hate waiting but I wait for a living (tables, auditions, that “big break”).

So I just got back from acting class.  My teacher is amazing and I absolutely adore her.  Adore her!  Anyways, at the beginning of class we always do these deep-breathing exercises, releasing thought and judgment to essentially being present and aware.  Since this exercise is in the beginning of class, often ppl are late and also since tomorrow’s a holiday, there were only two ppl doing the exercise, including myself.  My teacher says, “good! More attention to you.”  That made me feel very uncomfortable and I voiced that to her, in which she remarked, “Isn’t that ironic? That you feel uncomfortable with more attention, yet you want to be an actress where attention is pored on you.”

Later in class, she says something about how auditions are incubators for your insecurities, that when you’re in an audition, your insecurities come out, which prevents you from booking the part.  And since no one wants their insecurities at the forefront of a camera and a casting director, defense mechanisms come out to play that ultimately fucks your audition up and you go home like a broke ass hoe (my words not hers).   With some ppl, they might berate themselves and think that every thing they do is wrong and question their every choice, lacking confidence and not owning the room.  With me, in the audition room, the casting director is looking at me, the camera is probably zoomed in on me, and a blinding light is literally spotlighting me.  This set up obviously calls for attention which makes me feel incredibly uncomfortable, which ultimately causes me to play everything casual so that I may melt into the wall behind me and come out unnoticed.  So GOD DAMN IRONIC that I don’t book shit.

Irony is the bane of my existence.