I swear I’m not superstitious

So there’s this mustard cardigan that I love.  It’s soft, it makes me look cute, I feel pretty in it, and it was a bday gift to myself.  I love wearing it, but every time I do and do something relative to acting, my acting plummets and as I chastise myself, I secretly blame the cardigan.

Today was no exception!  I had an audition for a co-star role for a tv show on a cable network.  That’s huge for me!  Before, I was auditioning for prints, commercials, promos, students films, webseries, or low budget sag films, so today’s audition was the first audition on the next level.  The role I was going for only had about 3 lines and all I had to do was say the three lines to the reader as a  monologue.  I went over the lines with my acting coach, I practiced it in front of the mirror, I memorized it and tried it different ways, basically I did my homework.  And as I was about to leave for my audition, like literally had my shoes on, I felt the urge to wear my mustard cardigan for the above reasons.  In the back of my mind I was aware that I’ve had some bad luck with this cardigan in the past (tanked scene work, failed acting classes, etc.) but I pushed those worries away thinking they were silly because like the title, I really don’t think I’m superstitious.  I also kinda wanted to break the silly bad luck cardigan spell and really own the audition in spite of the cardigan.

Lo and behold, it’s my turn to spit out the lines to a big casting director.  I know these lines! But of course I flub… horrendously.  The audition is taped so my mistakes are not forgotten.  I rushed, I corrected myself in the middle of it, I started over.  Thi! Pull it together you idiot! I’m still reeling from it right now.  I did everything that a noob would do, threw out everything my coach told me, and just failed miserably.

Thank god for the casting director.  She was super sweet.  She knew it was a bad first take, so she let me do it again.  But before letting me have another go at the lines, she warmed me up and made conversation with me about my fluency in Spanish and how I did Greese in Spain.  That calmed me down and the second time around was much better.

Rawr!  I’m glad I got to form a rapport with the casting director, and hopefully she’ll remember me for future projects, but damn.  I’m finally getting auditions, and auditions for projects I’ve heard of, for paid projects (which btw I’m so grateful to my manager for getting me these auditions, he rocks), yet I can’t book because I eff up the part that I have control over.

It’s like this, actors don’t really have any control over booking because an actor can do the best he/she can and if he/she remotely looks like an ex of the director, most likely he/she won’t be getting the part.  But what actors can control in the auditioning process is the choices they make and the execution of those choices in front of a camera, a casting director, and x amount of people in the room.  In short, an actor can control his acting and play the role to the best of his/her abilities.  Thus, I’m severely mad at myself for not being consistent in the auditioning room and letting my nerves or my aforementioned cardigan get in my way.  Grrrr …

Thank You Universe

Thank you universe.  Today was my first paid gig in LA.  It was a print ad.  Super easy and super quick.  There was no audition because they picked me out from my headshot (mad props to my headshot photographer).  The client was looking for a person that was “warm” and my headshot resonated that :]  Thanks to my manager who got me the job.  Thanks to the people that were there, so nice and friendly.  The ad called for an Asian family, and my “mom” gave me helpful tips in the industry.  The makeup artist was super sweet too and told me I didn’t need Okcupid to find a guy.  The photographer and his team used words like “adorbs” and “totes” in which I replied with “swag.”  Hahahah ooh and we got Pollo Loco afterwards yummy delicious!  I really mean it when I say thank you universe.

I’m in a rut so let’s indulge.

Lately I haven’t been really doing anything towards my acting career.  Outside of classes and networking, there’s a lot of down time.  A lot.  So what do I do?  I indulge in anything creative: books, movies, music, art.

A couple of weeks ago, went to LACMA and really enjoyed the “In Wonderland: The Surrealist Adventures of Women Artists in Mexico and the United States” exhibit.  It was really empowering to see women reflect their personal experiences into tangible works of art sharing their struggles, their opinions, and their ideas.  I have to admit though, surrealism creeps me out.

Recently I’ve been watching documentaries on Netflix, honorary mentions include “Being Elmo,” “Afghan Star,” and “Herb and Dorothy.”  All were about people that were passionate about something and really materialized their passion into a reality, despite financial struggles and criticism.  Super inspiring.  They never had a set plan, they just did their thang.

This past week, went to my first book club meeting ever.  It was sooo exciting and fun.  I just ordered my copy of the book for next month’s meeting on amazon.  We’re reading the 50 shades of grey.  We actually talked about books and I got to vent about weak women protagonist such as Bella Swan and the sorry ass 7th harry potter book.  Sorry JK Rowling, you took on too much and made harry potter to be a born again saint.  Literally.

And finally, next week, I will indulge in music.  Coachella hella hella hella norcal! Loyal to my soil.  Bay area! Whoooot!

Life isn’t so bad 🙂