so there’s this mustard cardigan that i love. it’s soft, it makes me look cute, i feel pretty in it, and it was a bday gift to myself. i love wearing it, but every time i do and do something relative to acting, my acting plummets and as i chastise myself, i secretly blame the cardigan.
today was no exception! i had an audition for a co-star role for a tv show on a cable network. that’s huge for me! before, i was auditioning for prints, commercials, promos, students films, webseries, or low budget sag films, so today’s audition was the first audition on the next level. the role i was going for only had about 3 lines and all i had to do was say the three lines to the reader as a monologue. i went over the lines with my acting coach, i practiced it in front of the mirror, i memorized it and tried it different ways, basically i did my homework. and as i was about to leave for my audition, like literally had my shoes on, i felt the urge to wear my mustard cardigan for the above reasons. in the back of my mind i was aware that i’ve had some bad luck with this cardigan in the past (tanked scene work, failed acting classes, etc.) but i pushed those worries away thinking they were silly because like the title, i really don’t think i’m superstitious. i also kinda wanted to break the silly bad luck cardigan spell and really own the audition in spite of the cardigan.
lo and behold, it’s my turn to spit out the lines to a big casting director. i know these lines! but of course i flub… horrendously. the audition is taped so my mistakes are not forgotten. i rushed, i corrected myself in the middle of it, i started over. thi! pull it together you idiot! i’m still reeling from it right now. i did everything that a noob would do, threw out everything my coach told me, and just failed miserably.
thank god for the casting director. she was super sweet. she knew it was a bad first take, so she let me do it again. but before letting me have another go at the lines, she warmed me up and made conversation with me about my fluency in spanish and how i did grease in spain. that calmed me down and the second time around was much better.
rawr! i’m glad i got to form a rapport with the casting director, and hopefully she’ll remember me for future projects, but damn. i’m finally getting auditions, and auditions for projects i’ve heard of, for paid projects (which btw i’m so grateful to my manager for getting me these auditions, he rocks), yet i can’t book because i eff up the part that i have control over.
it’s like this, actors don’t really have any control over booking because an actor can do the best he/she can and if he/she remotely looks like an ex of the director, most likely he/she won’t be getting the part. but what actors can control in the auditioning process is the choices they make and the execution of those choices in front of a camera, a casting director, and x amount of people in the room. in short, an actor can control his acting and play the role to the best of his/her abilities. thus, i’m severely mad at myself for not being consistent in the auditioning room and letting my nerves or my aforementioned cardigan get in my way. grrrr …